The highest compliment for the most impressively broken.
In the military, few honors are greater than being told you’re “as fucked up as a football bat”—a truly elite level of chaos, confusion, and questionable decision-making. The Football Bat shirt celebrates that time-honored tradition with a design as gloriously dysfunctional as the phrase itself.
Made from soft, lightweight cotton with just enough stretch to survive counseling sessions, NJP hearings, and bad life choices, this tee is perfect for those who proudly operate outside the bounds of logic and physics.
Specs:
• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton—because even train wrecks deserve comfort
• Pre-shrunk fabric, unlike your promotion chances
• Side-seamed construction and shoulder-to-shoulder taping—better built than your last barracks wall locker
• Lightweight feel for heavy-duty nonsense
Perfect for:
• The E-4 Mafia’s legal department
• Platoon sergeants on their third cup of rage
• Anyone who’s ever been called a “football bat” and considered it a badge of honor
Embrace the dysfunction. Wear it like you were born for it.
